I'm confused

I'm really confused about my role here.  I'm confused about what Ethiopia ought to be.  What I can do to bring about change?  Should I bring about change? 

I live in Addis, there is economy and wealth.  Last weekend I saw people who still live in huts and in between I saw rural areas trying to grow, buildings being built...

 

I know that development brings economy and money and therefore education and less poverty, but as I passed through the countryside I couldn't help but hope Ethiopia won't change.  It was beautiful to see people growing their own food, building their own homes and keeping traditions and culture alive.  

 

I know it is selfish to want Ethiopia to stay as is. I guess it is easy for me to say these people shouldn't be modernized when I'm saying it from a house with electricity, while wearing clothes and enjoying my third meal of the day.  But I don't want rural Ethiopia to become another stripmall, I don't want everyone to be busy, to forget where food comes from, to deny their language, their traditional dance and dress...

 

I can't ask them to starve, to carry water for miles.  I shouldn't deny them education and the luxuries of moderniztion- like internet... but I don't want it to change.

 

My other dilemma:

Do I give the beggars money?  Beggars are everywhere!  They have started waiting outside my gate in the mornings.  Part of me wants to say- go work for your money... but I know there isn't work for everyone.  I know that work doesn't always pay enough to feed the family.  And then I remember my priviledge and wealth and feel like I should give. 

But there are women who rent babies so they'll make more money begging.  There are children who run up to me and shout "Money, money!"  If I don't give them money- they spit or shout obscenities...these are the times I don't want to give- I don't want to be expected to give.

Then there are the children who try to work.  They want to shine my shoes, give me a tour at the museum or sell tissue.    If I don't buy from them, will they go to school or will they starve?  Will the money go to their family?  Or will it go to a chat-chewing old man?

 

Maryanne intends to spend all the money she earns here, in Ethiopia.  I probably shouldn't take money out of this fledgling economy... but it is complicated.  My salary is taxed 35% by a corrupt government.  I should use my money to help the real people, the ones who want to shine shoes, sell tomatoes, drive taxi's, but I also  know when I return to the States I'll want a nice apartment, I'll want to drive a car... my way of life will simply be different and I may need to use the money I earn here to support it.

 

And what is my role in all of this?  What will teaching English mean for these children?  What will it mean for this country?  What is my presence, my American culture bringing to this place?  Taking away from it? 

 

Maybe I'm a bit egocentric right now... I'm probably not having that much of an effect at all...but if I am...?

 

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